What do we mean when we talk about parental shimjeong? The word “parents” is associated with the concepts of “love” and “bloodline”. The love of a mother and father is one of the strongest kinds of love that exists in the world. Even a person who occupies a high position in society is powerless in front of his or her children. The love of parents to their children is unconditional and endless, that is why this kind of love is the standard and sets the tradition for all other kinds of love. Without such an experience, it is impossible to understand what love is just from someone else’s words. Someone who grew up without parents or lives alone hardly understands what it is.
We absorb our parents’ shimjeong from the very birth. If a person grows up harmoniously in parental love, he or she will learn what love is. Since a child loves his or her mother and father, he or she learns from them the love between parents. Seeing their parents’ unchanging attitude to each other and the constancy of their conjugal love, sons and daughters naturally follow their example, building on its basis the relationships between themselves and further in their own families.
Good relationships require work
When it comes to parent-child relationships from a psychological perspective, many sources emphasize the importance of unity between parents as a prerequisite for a child’s harmonious growth. For example, John Medina, author of the bestselling book “Rules of the Child’s Brain” and a molecular evolutionary biologist, emphasizes that “mothers and fathers often have different priorities in raising children, and this can cause serious conflicts in the relationship among some couples, which can affect the child’s future behaviour; therefore, there should be one hundred percent cooperation between mothers and fathers in raising children.”
Therefore, by working on their own relationships and trying to avoid conflicts, parents lay the foundation for effective raising of their children. Throughout our lives, we need to improve, change and control ourselves. Only through checking and analysis do we become professionals. A professional is the one who sees the smallest details, makes changes and analyses until he or she gets 100% results. Parenting is more than a profession. It requires the best qualities from a husband and wife, so it is also worth to analyse and check everything in detail in the family and improve it.
Write a shimjeong diary
Relationships between a man and a woman can be different, but it is important to remember pleasant moments and make conclusions about what helped to make situations develop in a certain way. There are certain sharp edges in our character that are gradually erased in the process of building relationships. But in the process, sparks come out. If there are no sparks, it means that you are not interested in each other and will not achieve harmony. Therefore, it is important to notice all these sparks and negative moments. You can keep a personal diary of your relationship experience.
The experience of such shimjeong diaries helps a husband and wife to see their positive features and correct the negative ones. Quarrelling makes us closer. And this is good, because it makes us aware of our problems and gradually unite. But if we fight and move away, then such a struggle is meaningless.
It is important to remember that in both the positive and negative aspects of quarrels, the most important thing is the result. In other words, the conclusion we come to after the conflict. If there is no result, even a positive moment can distance us. Therefore, the main thing is that we become closer. To do this, even during quarrels, it is important for us to open up to each other. So we need to train in love towards each other and in becoming professionals in giving and receiving of love.
How, you may ask? Communicate with each other when you write your diary. If you cannot develop the right communication etiquette, it means that love is not growing in your relationship. And if you are silent after a quarrel, then the relationship is not developing. To develop emotions, you need to communicate and learn how to express them correctly so that the other person understands. Therefore, you should always be interested in each other and do not stop communicating. Taking into account the fact that children develop their own emotions and learn to understand themselves and others through their parents, both men and women should make efforts to learn to respect each other and become a family where love and unity prevail. This is how healthy a relationship between a man and a woman is important for building the right kind of interaction between them as parents and their children.
The relationship between parents and children is the basis of the Universe
The relationship between parents and children is undoubtedly the basis of the Universe. This relationship is a source of joy, and if there is sadness in it, there can be no greater sadness. A child’s joy in communicating with his or her parents should encompass the whole world. The joy of a parent in communicating with a child can satisfy the desires of the entire Universe.
How does the shimjeong of parents manifest itself? They unconditionally and unconsciously give to their children. They cannot even control the process of giving love. When giving, parents feel that they have not given enough. While loving, they worry whether their love is not too little, and they want to love even more. Having already given something, they are upset and regret that they could not give more. With all these features, parents manifest the essence of eternal love. This is the source where the tradition of love begins.
For the love of parents to exist forever, there should be someone to inherit their tradition. We have to bring up our children in such a way that they become heirs to this tradition. Moreover, we need to find a way to improve it so that it has even greater value. Such a tradition of love can only arise in a true family, where parents from the bottom of their hearts want their children to surpass themselves. Parents who have this desire constantly pay attention to their children and support them.
In fact, only a father and mother can give a child enough attention, care and concern. For example, Pamela Druckerman, author of the book “French Parenting”, identifies several important general principles, such as listening carefully to children, communicating with them, and feeling sympathy for them. There should be empathy. The most important thing in families is the unity of actions and thoughts of parents and children. However, the main thing in all of this is that parents should listen to their children, but they should not obey them. We all need boundaries within which we can be free. But the main thing here is to communicate and understand.”
By giving life to children and supporting their development this way, we realise how great parental love is. Realising that excessive attention does not do anything good for children, we must learn to maintain a balance between the care, control and help. It is important not to become authoritarian, but to maintain authority by balancing the needs of the child with the needs of the family.
While providing children with warmth, love and support, it is also important to provide sufficient conditions for their growth and maturation. First of all, it is important to teach empathy, communication, and interaction with others.
Rules and norms in the family
You need to establish ethical norms and rules for your family. When you start to live in accordance with them, a good culture is established in the family. It is important to change your concepts of norms and not to think that they limit you. Our responsibility is to learn to experience happiness through norms and rules. If you live this way, it will be easy for your children to live according to these principles. This is how you can achieve unity in your relationships with each other and with your children. That is, you as a family must live properly and take care of others. Education takes into account these moments when we change ourselves and the environment around us.
You cannot predict what your relationship with your children will be like when they are 2, 5, 12 or 20 years old. You don’t know your children’s problems at each future step. So prepare practically. You need step-by-step education. You can, for example, note your impressions and observations about your child from birth, and keep track of changes in his or her character. Also, think about how children will relate to you when they become adults. You need to have such an open mind with a desire to learn from others and always prepare for the future. Think about what you are practically preparing for your children, whether your concept is correct, where you are moving and how.
The key point is that you should prepare and think about certain situations. You need to understand what the root of your difficulties may be. Usually, our problems originate from the problems of our parents. We often manifest the behaviour of our parents, so we need to change ourselves. Thus, raising our children is primarily about raising ourselves. Our responsibility is to change. This is how we should prepare for the future.
Where is the limit of parental love for children? Parents want to love their children not only when they are small, but throughout their lives. By loving, you can feel the significance and greater value. When this relationship is established between a parent and a child, they gain unlimited power. A parental shimjeong is first of all happy to give, not to receive. This is the Heavenly love that can pass through the entire Universe without any obstacles.
Having started his or her journey from parents, a person completes the circle by returning to the position of parents. It takes effort for any relationship to develop. This is shimjeong. This is the only way to understand parental love.
