For Europeans, many things in the culture of Eastern countries look unusual.
In the East, there is such a thing as attendance, service. Attendance to teachers, elders, and parents. Living such a life, you can build a special relationship with the one you attend. In Korean, this is called moshimyo senhwal (모시며 생활), which means to live together, to keep close. In the East, this is a cultural tradition that has been passed down through generations, while in the West, the word serve often evokes a negative feeling, as it means more to serve. Therefore, in order not to perceive Eastern traditions negatively, it is important to understand what stands behind these words and where this behaviour comes from.
I will give you some examples of Korean etiquette that I have witnessed personally. When I came to Korea for a conference and checked into a hotel, the hotel employee gave me the keys with a slight bow, holding them with both hands. The pharmacy assistant did the same when he gave me the change. The behaviour of the restaurant owner I went to for dinner was similar.
During the conference, when a speaker went on stage to the podium, he or she was accompanied by a young girl who brought out a glass of water and a carefully rolled up wet towel. And even if the speaker did not drink the water and did not use the towel, it was changed again before the next speaker.
I also had an interesting experience of etiquette between husband and wife. Once my friends, a Korean family, invited me to a meeting in a cafe. When we got there and made an order, I noticed that the Korean’s wife did not like the place. While he was on the phone, I suggested we go somewhere else, but her response stunned me. She said that you can’t do that, especially in public. Since her husband had already made up his mind and chosen this café, the wife could not show her disagreement with her husband’s decision in public. “Poor women”, I thought, “It’s the twenty-first century, and they have no rights.”
My surprise became even greater when, another time when they decided to invite me to a home-cooked Korean meal, the same man took his wife to buy the ingredients for the meal. While shopping, he was like a humble lamb, silently fulfilling all his wife’s requests. This showed his desire to help his wife. It looks like the relationship between a husband and wife is similar to that in Western culture, but it looks different.
The examples above indicate a certain etiquette of service between people in Korean society. When I visited the Gapsa Buddhist temple far up in the mountains, I saw another kind of service — to the Great Buddha. People climbed the mountain, stood in front of the gate for a long time, bowed and waited patiently to be allowed to enter the temple, and then performed their ceremonies inside.
Attendance permeates every aspect of Korean life. Let’s try to understand where such a deep attitude comes from. What kind of life can be called a life of attendance? Let’s look at the historical background. Koreans have historically respected their ancestors, they have a tradition of doing so. Many Koreans have a small altar in their homes where they hold ceremonies to attend to their ancestors. There are also basic virtues associated with attendance. A person who attends to his or her parents is a respectful child. A person who attends to society and the country is a patriot. A person who lives for the world and all of history is a saint. The one who lives for God is a devoted son of God.
Confucian ethics teaches that everything begins with devotion and attendance to parents. In order to lead such a life of attendance, a person would have to combine the highest qualities of filial piety, devotion and holiness. It is expected that a person will fully unite with his or her parents and attend to them as a respectful son or daughter.
The Analects of Confucius states: “When parents are alive, they should be attended to according to protocol; when they die, they should be buried with full honours according to traditions, and they should be offered a proper sacrifice during the commemoration ceremony (this is what Koreans place on the altar at home or at their graves) – this kind of life can be called ‘filial piety’. It is expected that a child will serve his deceased parents in the same way he would serve them if they were alive and living with him.
The essence of a life of attendance is not to force others to serve us. On the contrary, it is about giving, helping and living for the sake of others. The most important content of the life of attendance is love. Not the kind of love that wants to be attended, but the kind of love that wants to attend.
The life of attendance is also reflected in corporate culture. For example, if the head of a company gives a speech to employees, the heads of all departments should be present and listen attentively. This is a sign of loyalty to the company, loyalty to the managing board and unity with them.
If we describe the life of attendance in simple words, it means being patient. When we place the public goal at the center, not our personal interests, when we do not complain or condemn others. In this case, we can say that we lead a life of attendance to society. By living this life of attendance, we can come to an understanding of the world of Shimjeong.
